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19 Things You’ll Never Admit To Teaching Your Kids

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“Gee, Principal Stevens, I have absolutely no idea where she learned that.” BF_STATIC.timequeue.push(function () { if (BF_STATIC.bf_test_mode) localStorage.setItem(‘posted_date’, 1407678779); }); BF_STATIC.timequeue.push(function () { document.getElementById(“update_posted_time_3408228”).innerHTML = “posted on ” + UI.dateFormat.get_formatted_date(1407678779); });

1. To look at strangers with an incredibly serious expression and whisper, “I see dead people.”

To look at strangers with an incredibly serious expression and whisper, "I see dead people."

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2. To cross their eyes.

19 Things You’ll Never Admit To Teaching Your Kids

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3. To pass gas while doing a karate kick and singing, “Everybody was kung-fu farting!”

To pass gas while doing a karate kick and singing, "Everybody was kung-fu farting!"

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AndreyKaderov / Via thinkstockphotos.com

4. To reply “a ladies’ man” when someone asks them what they’re going to be when they grow up.

To reply "a ladies' man" when someone asks them what they're going to be when they grow up.

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Flickr: shock399

5. Or to answer the same question with a Monty Python-esque, “I want to be a lumberjack!”

Or to answer the same question with a Monty Python-esque, "I want to be a lumberjack!"

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6. To blow bubbles in milk.

19 Things You’ll Never Admit To Teaching Your Kids

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7. To shake their head and say, “I am not amused.”

To shake their head and say, "I am not amused."

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8. To perform the timeless classic, “pull my finger.”

19 Things You’ll Never Admit To Teaching Your Kids

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9. To say, “Boy, these pretzels are making me thirsty.”

To say, "Boy, these pretzels are making me thirsty."

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#SeinfeldForever

10. To bend their index finger and say “REDRUM! REDRUM! REEEEDDDDD RRRUUUUMMMMM!”

19 Things You’ll Never Admit To Teaching Your Kids

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Warner Bros.

11. To do the classic “remove your thumb” trick.

19 Things You’ll Never Admit To Teaching Your Kids

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12. To recite this little gem:

To recite this little gem:

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Warner Bros.

13. To make this magic happen.

To make this magic happen.

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therooster.com

Not to mention: “Oh hELL”

14. To use “air quotes.”

19 Things You’ll Never Admit To Teaching Your Kids

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thespohrsaremultiplying.com

15. To reply, “Joey doesn’t share food” whenever anyone asks them for a bite of their food.

To reply, "Joey doesn't share food" whenever anyone asks them for a bite of their food.

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16. To unleash a rip-roaring armpit fart.

19 Things You’ll Never Admit To Teaching Your Kids

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17. To make a spoon stick on their nose.

To make a spoon stick on their nose.

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18. To show a little attitude.

19 Things You’ll Never Admit To Teaching Your Kids

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19. To welcome new people by saying, “Greetings, human… if indeed you are human.”

To welcome new people by saying, “Greetings, human… if indeed you are human .”

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ABC

H/T to The Straight Dope.

Read more: http://buzzfeed.com/mikespohr/things-youll-never-admit-to-teaching-your-kids